


Sneaky happiness and grapes with mayonnaise

by GufettoGrigio



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: (Mention of) past miscarriages, Angst, Detailed crimes against food, Fluff, M/M, More Fluff, Mpreg, Penguins, a bit of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GufettoGrigio/pseuds/GufettoGrigio
Summary: A tale of babies, vegan hamburgers, penguins and sudden allergies to coffee.Or, alternatively  Lewis and Nico have their shit a lot more together than people give them credit for and it takes everyone way too long to figure it out.
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg, Valtteri Bottas & Kimi Räikkönen & Sebastian Vettel
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	Sneaky happiness and grapes with mayonnaise

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for what you are going to read. The author loves coffee and declines all responsibility should you decide to try any of the recipes in this fanfic.

**China**

There are a number of things that can spell doom in this world: volcano eruptions, tsunamis, tornadoes, Lewis rummaging through Nico's bag while the German is busy with an interview.

"Do you want to die?" - Seb asks him. Lewis shrugs, giving up on his blind search and choosing to upturn the entire content of the bag on the floor instead.

"We are F1 drivers, we are known for having a death wish."

Seb winches at the scattered items (Nico is _not_ going to be pleased) and watches as Lewis triumphantly retrieves what looks very much like the box of a thermometer hastily re-taped together.

"I suppose you are going to ask for my silence."

Lewis' smile is the picture of innocence. “Why? Did I steal something?” Seb watches him skip away with his box. It's going to be an interesting day.

*

He is mildly disappointed when nothing happens. He expected at least a bit of drama, a few chosen words in whatever language that Seb could hopefully add to his vocabulary, maybe a couple of flying caps. Instead he gets nothing. Not even a passive aggressive podcast.

"What do you think they are doing?" He asks Valtteri as the both of them eye Nico doing his Sky thingy, interview, whatever it is that he does with his life now.

"I don't know. He should have found out by now."

"He _did_ put everything back in his bag."

Nico finishes the interview he is doing and turns around to walk the long way back to main mediapen just as Lewis emerges from the opposite way.

"It's like watching some sort of mad mating ritual."

“We should call National Geographic.”

**Spain**

Mark is perplexed. He is just chilling with Jenson in the backstage of the mediapen, enjoying a coffee break while waiting for Nico to join them with the updated version of the notes for the afternoon reports. It’s shaping out to be quite a battle out on track and Mark is looking forward to it. 

They hear the click of Nico's pass and then the door opens. Nico just stands there for a long moment, staring at them. Then he turns green and promptly slaps his notes-free hand up to cover his mouth and nose. 

Jenson looks frantic. “I am sorry! I forgot!”

“It’s fine.” - Nico manages to get out, hand still firmly pressed on his lips - “Just be quick. I’ll be back in 5 min.” 

Mark barely catches the folder of notes thrown in his direction as Nico literally runs out the room. Slowly, the Aussie turns to Jenson. “What are you guys doing exactly?”

Jenson laughs though he still looks slightly guilty. “Nothing. I am just a really horrible friend that forgets things. Are you finished with your coffee?”

**Canada**

“Nico, what the actual fuck are you doing?”

Nico stops his pacing to glare at Seb. “I need to sneeze.”

“So you are pinching your nose and walking around like a headless chicken instead?”

“I am going to pee myself.”

“Pardon?”

“I just finished my energy drink. I am telling you, Vettel, if I sneeze I am going to pee myself.”

**France**

Mark is even more perplexed. He is sure, 100% positive, that he walked in here with a cup of coffee. He can literally remember stopping to buy it before walking in the paddock because he is tired of the poor excuse for a soluble coffee reserved to the media people. Except that now he can’t find said cup anywhere. It’s not on the table, it’s not under his chair, it’s not by the console with his pass and, unless Mark has finally lost it, those are the only reasonable places it could be.

“JB, have you seen my coffee?” - he asks, still looking around. 

“What?”

“My coffee?”

“Oh, I threw it away with mine. Sorry, I thought you were finished.”

Mark stops and stares at him, debating whether he is more annoyed or confused. 

“Jenson, I arrived literally two minutes ago with a LARGE Starbucks. How on Earth could I have been done with it?”

Jenson does have the decency to look a bit sheepish.

“Sorry, it’s just...” - he looks at something over his shoulder - “I’ll buy you another one later, yeah?”

Mark follows the direction of his gaze to find Nico, deep into conversation with a lady from the French TV. “Is Britney suddenly allergic to coffee or something?”

**Great Britain**

Weird things are happening in the team. Weird things always happen in the team, Toto supposes, but this is _weird_. After topping the qualifying, they had collectively decided to celebrate by ordering some food from Lewis’ London restaurant. Nico had been around after finishing his Sky commitments, not an odd occurrence in itself, and had decided he might as well join in. Lewis hadn’t seemed to mind, so Toto had just let them be.

Except that now Nico has his very vegan Hamilton hamburger opened up in front of him and he is busy dumping an entire jar of mayonnaise on top of it. It’s not even a tiny bit: when Toto says a jar, he means that literally. Not happy with himself, Nico rummages through his things until he finds a grocery bag and whips out a pack of pepperoni slices. Not ham or chorizo or anything fancy. Literally a pack of Tesco pepperoni slices, the ones that go on pizza. Nico opens the pack and meticulously starts arranging the slices on top of the mayonnaise. It’s a whole new level of petty even for him, Toto swears, praying that Lewis is not going to come in just yet. 

Lewis unfortunately does not come in just yet. He comes in a couple of minutes later, while Nico is busy balancing a few grapes on top of his Everest of mayonnaise and pepperoni. By this point, half the people in the room have stopped eating and are openly gaping at him.

Nico finally closes his monstrosity.

Lewis stares at him.

“You are not going to eat that.”

Without batting an eyelash or breaking eye contact, Nico raises his creation and takes a bite.

Lewis watches in silence as Nico starts to happily munch on it.

Nico swallows.

Lewis runs out the room.

Cue ten minutes of Nico eating his hamburger - if it still can be politely be called such - and Lewis popping his head in from the door at random points to see if he is still doing so before going into hiding again.

Nico, to his credit, eats the entire thing. Lewis has been called away for some kind of publicity thing by the time he has done so. Toto draws a sigh of relief.

*

Later that night, there is a knock at Toto’s office door. Lewis peeks his head in.

“Do you have a second?”

“Sure, come in. Everything good for tomorrow?”

“Yes.” - Lewis says, taking a seat in one of the chairs - “I just wanted to ask if you have decided which two weeks we have the full stop for the summer break?”

“I haven’t yet. Do you have dates you are unavailable?”

Lewis shakes his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “It’s fine. Could you just let me know as soon as you can? There are a few things happening at home that I would really love to be there for.”

“Happy things?”

“Happy things.” Lewis agrees, the smile blooming brightly on his face. “You know, I thought I’d be scared about them but I am actually really, really excited.”

“Oh” - Toto says, not sure if he should push the matter when Lewis is clearly being cryptic - “I’ll let you know?”

“Thank you” Lewis stands up, still beaming. He turns around before reaching the door. “Oh! Toto, did Nico eat all of his hamburger?”

Toto grimaces. Here it comes. “He did. I thought he would actually throw it back up once you left but he didn’t.”

He fully expect Lewis to throw a fit. Instead, a weird expression takes over his face. Toto would say it’s relief.

“Mayonnaise, grapes and pepperoni, was it?” Lewis hums consideringly “Thank you. Good night, Toto.”

**Italy**

Max does not intend to be mean. He really, really doesn’t. He is not the biggest fun of Nico Rosberg but the man had actually been quite nice to him whereas the other journalists had been out for his blood after his mess of a qualy. Yes, yes. This is Italy, Ferrari’s territory and all that but it’s not like Max wanted to put his car in the wall. It is also not his fault Charles decided to do the same three laps later. The Tifosi, however, do not seem to think the same. 

By the time he gets to Nico’s interview he is tired and frustrated. 

“You probably have a couple more meters of break space” - Nico muses - “At least, unlike some teams, you are running with your standard livery so it won’t be as much work to fix.”

“You had a change of livery too.” - Max tells him because, even if Nico does make a good point, Max is not in the mood to hear it - “It doesn’t really suit you, you know?”

Nico stares at him for a second, looks down at the unusually baggy sweater he is wearing, looks back up at Max and suddenly bursts into tears.

Max’s first reaction is utter panic. Because what the fuck? He made Nico Rosberg cry. Like, Rosberg is annoying and all but he’s a fucking World Champion and now he is crying in the middle of the paddock and yes, sue him, Max is panicking. 

Then, thankfully, his brain kicks in and he grabs Nico by an elbow, moves away the barriers and quickly pulls Nico on his side - yes, only the drivers are allowed in but Rosberg surely counts as one, right? By some stroke of luck, Daniel is in the interview right next to him and quickly distracts the journalists while Max beats a hasty retreat towards the covered drivers’ hospitality dragging Nico with him.

“I just need to sit for a second.” - the German mumbles, plopping himself down on the floor as soon as they are in. He is still sniffling and utterly failing at cleaning up the tears with the oversized sleeves of the damn sweater.

“Mate, what the fuck?” - Daniel asks, jogging over to them - “Max, what did you do?”

“I didn’t do nothing! I just told him I don’t like that sweater and he started crying!”

Sitting on the floor, Nico lets out a wet chuckle. “My sweater is perfectly fine! Take that back.”

Daniel looks at him like he is seriously considering asking him if he is high or something. “It looks great. Are you sure you are ok?”

“I am fine.” - Nico answers, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks - “ I may have been out in the sun for too long. Daniel, do you have any water?”

Still looking concerned, Daniel goes to find a bottle of water. 

With a sigh, Nico heaves himself back up. “Sorry, Max, it’s really not your fault.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that, Rosberg. Are you _sure_ you are ok?”

Nico smiles, accepting the bottle of water Daniel has come back with. “Thanks. Yes, I am just being petty and stubborn. Don’t tell Lewis, please?”

“What, that you are petty and stubborn? A bit late there, mate: I think he already knows.”

Nico laughs. Now that the tears have dried, he actually looks quite happy. Happier than Daniel has seen him in quite some time, even.

**Japan**

Japanese fans have always been very kind and enthusiastic. Val never fails to come back from Suzuka with a couple of suitcase full of gifts. 

This year however, there seems to be some sort of conspiracy going on. While Val is getting the usual - posters, food, cards and whatnots - Lewis is getting penguins. It’s actually impressive. Val watches in mild concern as Lewis gets increasingly swamped by a mountain of penguins or penguin related things. Plushie penguins, towel penguins, chocolate penguins, stickers penguins. You name it, Mercedes probably has a penguin version of it by the end of FP3. There even is a real fucking embalmed one staring at Val from where it’s perched on the engineers’ table. It would take Val’s top spot for unsettling things this weekend, if not for the fact that he has just found out there are penguin shaped sex toys and he could have lived without said information.

It takes everyone a while to understand that it’s all Nico’s fault. After a few races of radio-silence the German has suddenly posted a video in which he makes a donation to a penguin conservation organization and asks his fans and followers to gift Lewis penguins to encourage him to do the same. The internet apparently found it hilarious and followed through. 

To everyone’s surprise, Lewis is a) not puzzled by it and b) finds it just as hilarious. 

He posts a video on his instagram thanking everyone for the gifts and Nico for his support in Lewis’ environmental campaign. He then proceeds to make his own donation showing “his love and adoration for cute, waddling beings.” 

Val is still not sure what the retaliation is going to be but he knows the thought keeps Toto up at night.

**New Year’s Eve**

“I am sorry” - Nico greets them from the bed, still looking a bit pale and disheveled - “ I am sure it’s not how you had planned to spend New Year’s Eve.”

Jenson chuckles and bends down to kiss his hair. “Planned? No. Happy to have our plans disrupted? You can bet on it, princess. How are you feeling?”

“I am good. Tired but good.” - Nico admits before looking up - “I am so fucking happy, Jense.” There are literal tears in his eyes.

Jenson presses another kiss to his forehead “I am so glad you are all fine. And I am so fucking happy for you too.”

“We are all happy for you” - Seb joins in with a smile, sitting down on the bed - “Lewis looks absolutely over the moon.”

“Oh, you should have seen him when they put the first one in his arms.”

“The first one?!”

Nico laughs “Lewis, you didn’t tell them? It’s twins.”

All eyes in the room turn incredulously to Lewis who holds his hands up. “Surprise?” 

“Well, you got it right there. You guys are full of surprises indeed.”

Kimi and the nurses come back with the children, one of the little ones already cooing happily in the Finn’s arms. Val makes a bee line for the other one. His tough nordic men, Seb chuckles, feeling his heart melt even more. 

The babies are both tiny, despite being born at full term - two pretty little things all wrinkly and red with cute tufts of curly black hair that are definitely Lewis and curious big eyes that are all Nico. 

“A boy and a girl.” - Dan beams, a little fist curling around his outstretched finger - “Congratulations guys.” 

“In retrospect, we should have known. Who eats a hamburger with mayonnaise, pepperoni and grapes?”

“A what?!” 

Nico crosses his arms with a pout, glaring at his former team boss. “Just be glad I was eating at all!”

“We didn’t mean to keep it a secret.” - Lewis says, rescuing one of the babies from the hands of a terrified Max. Dad is a good look on him, Seb thinks, watching him gently cradle his son to his chest. 

Nico nods. “It’s just...I haven’t really had the best of luck carrying to terms before. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up just for it to happen again.”

Lewis carefully frees a hand to caress his face. “2016 was another matter and another time.”

Nico tilts his head into Lewis’ hand with a grateful smile before he takes his daughter as Jenson hands her back to him. “True.” 

“Well” - Toto admits, sounding clearly proud - “It looks like you guys had your shit together a lot more than we gave you credit for.” 

“And now you got your happiness together too”

“ We did.” - Lewis beams, giving a gentle kiss to Nico’s lips - “We really did”

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written mpreg before - I think this could be an A/B/O Universe but I didn't feel the need to make it explicit. Some people can get pregnant. Nico is one of them?  
> Also, Jenson knew because Nico told him. Kimi also knew because he is Kimi. He just didn't feel the need to tell people.
> 
> Let me know how I did. I am debating continuing this or writing other couples in this universe, so let me know if you'd like something specific. 
> 
> I am [GufettoGrigio](https://gufettogrigio.tumblr.com/) on tumblr too.


End file.
